in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
