I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
