Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
