I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
