sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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