Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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