Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
