I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
