Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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