just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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