I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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