so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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