He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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