Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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