so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i already hear my dad disowning me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
