this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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