i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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