Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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