I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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