Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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