Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
