hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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