We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
