your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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