Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
