Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
