pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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