please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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