Whod you bang
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
