you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
