I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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