Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
