I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
