the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
