Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
