My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
