Banned from zoo.
Again?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
