he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
