I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
