im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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