So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
