Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
