Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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