i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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