I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
