Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
