: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
