1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
