I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
