This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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