His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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