The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
