Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
