well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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