Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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