I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
