I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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