someone get that fucking seahorse.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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