im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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