I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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