Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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