i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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