Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize