i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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