I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My vagina just clenched in fear
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
