Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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