Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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