i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
