My cat gives me a boner
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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