upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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