The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
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he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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