For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
