The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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