I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize